Today seem to passed by calm. In fact I felt in pieces. Like nothing that I do is worthwhile. The faith of the future is so vague. This is ageing I guess. Not to be emo about it, I do feel so totally useless. Wasted 9 years at a wrong place. The case with Chelsea obviously didn’t help. Artistic drive is not the drive to make art work, for me it has always been this mysterious passion and crave to live a life to its fullest. And now I felt everything I do is to fill the gap of time. I enjoy reading art works, watching fashion trends and knowing innovational marketing case studies. However nothing weights like ones life to me, nothing that I would drop everything and throw myself in it. And the guilt of calling myself an artist is destroying my ego. I am so out of breaths of this moment in my life right now, where everything seems to be going so well but I just can’t see the bigger picture of where do i stand and why am I me. The case with Chelsea didn’t ruin my life or anything, it just dig a huge pool of problems of myself that I had to face it. No body parts are mine, I feel weak, everything is in pieces and are not meant to be put back together. Because they form nothing. Just sent out my second draft of the written representation to UAL this evening. How do I stop this getting me down?